I have heard about the infamous “First Year”. News flash to those who have not been there . It is nothing magical, the one year mark that is.
Honestly, the first year is “The Fog” phase. You walk through life on auto-pilot. Living life as best you can. You do what needs to be done. You don’t look for them, but moments creep up on you when you forget how to breathe.
The one year mark is significant. It marks the time when the rest of the world thinks your life should be all hunky dory. They expect you to “get over it”. This is the point when you are supposed to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” They are the ignorant ones.
You spend the first year taking care of “details”. Removing someones name from your insurance policy. Changing bank accounts. Filling out new paperwork for old accounts. Making sure you contact ALL the people you need to contact to make sure you have removed that person’s name from everything.
It is like erasing the person’s existence.
After a year of “removing” the person .. a year of finding your footing .. a year of telling the story over and over and over of what happened .. a year of trying to move on from what idiots say and do .. a year of trying to get used to sleeping ALONE .. a year of not touching the face of that person …
The one year mark .. when auto-pilot is disengaged .. when you have to sink or swim. The fog is gone. Now you see with clearer eyes the void beside you.
Think before you speak foolish ignorant words you can not take back. They can cut very deeply. Some cuts may never heal.
Category Archives: My Life
My Favorite Animal
I have always loved animals. Growing up, we had all sorts of them. There was even the “farm years” with pigs, chickens, goats, a cow, a horse, and a dog. Most of my life there has been at least one cat in my home.
Choosing a “favorite” animal could be a struggle for some people who love animals in general. Honestly, it took me all of maybe 15 seconds to choose which animal I consider my “favorite” animal .. the rabbit.
Why do I consider the rabbit as my “favorite” animal? It is rather simple actually. Because my wife was my bunny rabbit. No, not in the literal sense. You know how people tend to develop “pet names” for each other over time. We had a few for each other .. depending on the mood or situation at the time.
It was very early in our marriage when we started our first set of “pet names”. I would call her “Hug-A-Bunny” and she would call me “Hug-A-Bear”. Of course, we would say those names in some silly voice most of the times we said them.
We grew up in a time when Looney Tunes were not yet deemed a bad influence on children. Rather often, snippets of various “Toons” would just so happen to fit various moments in life. One night, as we lay down for bed, I quoted the mad scientist talking to Bugs as they fell asleep. I said “Nighty Night Little Raaaaabit”. She responded with “Nighty Night Little Bear”. Over time, those phrases evolved into “Nighty Nite Hug A Buunnnny” and “Nighty Nite Hug A Bear”.
Our first website I created was called BBPLACE. That stood for Bunny Bear Place. We often talked about me opening a restaurant and calling it BBPLACE. There was even a time we talked about a small craft shop of the same name.
Early on, we began collecting bears and bunnies. I even searched until I found an ink stamp that had both a bunny and a bear in its design. It became our “logo” of sorts. You could say we have a small stock in the Build-A-Bear company as well.
This past spring, while at Lowe’s (one of my weaknesses) I purchased something that now resides next to the front door to greet all who come to the door. It is a 2’ tall brownish stone statue of a rabbit. She is always with us in our hearts and memories.
My favorite animal most certainly is the rabbit because it reminds me of the most beautiful woman in the world, my dear wife, Lucenda.
..Nighty Nite Hug A Bunny..