Category Archives: Struggles

Thought of the day – Greif Scrambles The Brain

Healthy Life, Life Notes, Struggles, Thought, , , ,

Fact: Greif scrabbles the brain.

Unless you have gone through it (and I do not wish it on anyone), you have no clue what a person faces. No, I am not talking about sitting in the dark and crying like most of you arrogantly preach about. Grief changes a person mentally, emotionally, and physically. The brain is scrambled. Circuits are fried. New pathways will have to be made over time. The person you were is not who you become. As I have said before, Grief has no time limit. Those who say otherwise are arrogant know-it-alls.

To all of you dealing with your own form of grief … like picking up broken glass, you may get cuts and scrapes, and it will not be pleasant … but you can put those pieces together into a new masterpiece. God does see the final work, after all, HE created you. He knows what pieces go where and when to put them there.

..end transmission..

You Are

Life Notes, Music Related, My Life, Struggles, The Story, , , ,

I once worked at a place that worked with people with “life alterations” … some had no voice, some had no sight, some had other challenges they lived with. Colton Dixon released “You Are” in 2013. Part of the lyrics are as follows…

If I had no voice
If I had no tongue
I would dance for you like the rising sun
And when that day comes and I see your face
I will shout your endless glorious praise

This song stuck out to me because of the people I encountered at that place I once worked.

Then, October 2014, I watched me wife rapidly fade away in just over 24 hours in a hospital bed. She had no voice. She was fading fast. This song came to my mind. I closed my eyes and saw her dancing and singing … in the presence of Our Lord. You see, she loved music (she played piano). She loved to dance (barefoot).

This song is one of the songs God made sure I heard. HE knew it was what I needed.

.. end transmission ..

A NEW Christmas

Charecteristics, My Life, Struggles, The Story, Thought, , , , , ,

For much of my life (decades), August through December had been a full, busy time for me.

From childhood into adulthood, I have been involved in some sort of “Christmas Event”. Be it, a Christmas play, a musical, or something of the sort, I was involved. I have been “main characters”. I have been “singing” (however, not much). Most of my teen and adult years, I have been part of the “technically” aspects of programs.

Having a child, added to the list. We when to Christmas events, parades, programs, etc .. geared toward children.

Then, there was the “FULL ON Busy Time”. August was getting ready for State Fair that was September. This went right into preparing for Christmas Cottage (craft selling event that took place just before Thanksgiving). There was still Church Christmas programs of some sort that added to the business. Decoration for Fall .. Halloween .. Thanksgiving … Christmas (this part was NO small thing for me).

October of 2014, in the middle of the “FULL ON Busy Time”, Lucenda passed away. I stumbled through the rest of the “Time” that year.

I tried to keep things “sort of” going the following year (2015). But, I realized that it was not going to continue. I had to let go of many of the “FULL ON Busy Time” things.

I moved 3 times in 5 years. Once, across country. MUCH has changed in the past 9 years.

This Christmas is … This Christmas is a New Christmas for me.

I taught the “Grief Process” to numerous “prospective resource parents” over the years. I “knew” the “logistics” of it. Now, I “know” much more about it. The “stages” are NOT clearly defined .. they are NOT clearly separated .. they are NOT done and gone once you go through them. Grief is ongoing. It is foolish to believe there is a “time limit”.

All this stated … All this laid out on the table …

Thanks to TRUE loving and caring people in my life, I have been able to move forward.

A New House to decorate very differently than I have for … decades. New environment. Different job situations for us all. My son is 20 (still mentally processing THAT!).

This year is A NEW Christmas.

.. end transmission ..

Reality Overload! Brain Dump!

Life Notes, My Life, Rants, Relationships, Struggles, Thought, , , , , , ,

Seven and a half years ago, my wife died. She was one of several people in my life who died within an 11-month period. Life shattering. This totally scrambled my brain. Tore up both mine and our son’s life. I had “friends” and relatives turn on me. We delt with so much crap, including TWO dealings with Children’s Services as results of lies from some controlling/manipulative people.

Over the course of the past 2 years, several people in my life have been affected by COVID-19. I, myself had a (not so) mild case of it. I was actually criticized for saying that I had it. The list of people I know who have died from COVID-19 is ridiculously and painfully long. One of my friends died from COVID … in a hospital room … isolated and alone. And still, countless numbers of idiots continue to harp about the HUMAN DECENCEY of wearing a mask to help REDUCE the spread of the virus.

I have had people who claimed to be friends turn on me. They have made it their mission to spread lies and rumors … all because I caught them in lies. I have cut ties with relatives who do all they can to feed their narcissistic needs. They have sought to spread rumors and sow seeds of deceit and distrust because I would not cater to their whims.

I have fought hard for the well-being of my son. Along the way, people whom I trusted for support proceeded to introduce my son to harmful, health undermining things. Some of these people were “fellow church members” as well. I have sacrificed much to do my best to keep my son safe and help to ensure that he has a good future.

The board of my college alma mater has made a foolish decision to eliminate the Theater Program. This program has been a part of the institution for a century. I spent countless hours of my life involved with this program, even when I was NOT a student. Many people I now call “Friend” I met because of my involvement with the Theater Program. The board made no attempts to seek input from the staff or alumni before they made their decision. I am not surprised they did this. I expected it long ago, actually. Since I started my life at Union University in Fall of 1990, I have seen several “promises” to improve the Theater Program quietly swept away. Promises would be made, then funds would be diverted to other projects. Most often, the Sports Department got the funds. The Sports Department has long been favored. Being a High-Profile source of income for the institution, the Sports Department gets what it wants.

Right now, there is a war in Ukraine. The Russian dictator claims he is “de-Nazifying” the Ukraine. Homes, apartment buildings, schools, hospitals, churches, and cultural centers are his targets. All the while, he insists his troops are only targeting military installations. All the while, countless families are displaced … countless lives are shattered.

I have a friend who just got married in the Ukraine … just a few weeks ago … just prior to the Russian attacks. The very church he was married in is now a shelter for refugees. In Romania, I have friends who are coordinating efforts to build a small “village” of sorts for Ukrainian refugees. I just watched a live video of the progress of their efforts. They hope to provide housing for 25 families. That is a tremendous effort. I have other friends who are involved in the larger effort of overseeing refugee coordination of ALL the surrounding countries. I have acquaintances who either are from or family of people from Ukraine. These families are scrambling to contact their families in the Ukraine.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who lives in Texas messaged me. She and her husband had taken her father to the doctor for a checkup. While they were away from home, they got word that wildfires were ragging toward their home. Their children were at home with their pets. The children were told to evacuate by local authorities. Thankfully, one of them had a learners permit (aka .. just learning to drive). They were able to evacuate safely. Within a few hours, the fire had totally leveled their whole community. Today, they have a pile of ashes where their home stood yesterday.

This is only a few things on my mind right now.

..end transmission..