Category Archives: The Story

The “First Year” Mark

I have heard about the infamous “First Year”. News flash to those who have not been there . It is nothing magical, the one year mark that is.
Honestly, the first year is “The Fog” phase. You walk through life on auto-pilot. Living life as best you can. You do what needs to be done. You don’t look for them, but moments creep up on you when you forget how to breathe.
The one year mark is significant. It marks the time when the rest of the world thinks your life should be all hunky dory. They expect you to “get over it”. This is the point when you are supposed to “suck it up” and “get on with life.” They are the ignorant ones.
You spend the first year taking care of “details”. Removing someones name from your insurance policy. Changing bank accounts. Filling out new paperwork for old accounts. Making sure you contact ALL the people you need to contact to make sure you have removed that person’s name from everything.
It is like erasing the person’s existence.
After a year of “removing” the person .. a year of finding your footing .. a year of telling the story over and over and over of what happened .. a year of trying to move on from what idiots say and do .. a year of trying to get used to sleeping ALONE .. a year of not touching the face of that person …
The one year mark .. when auto-pilot is disengaged .. when you have to sink or swim. The fog is gone. Now you see with clearer eyes the void beside you.
Think before you speak foolish ignorant words you can not take back. They can cut very deeply. Some cuts may never heal.

A Statement

I have been told by more than one person that I am handling things “too well.”

My response was, “What do you expect me to do? curl up in a ball in the corner and cry .. hide from the world? I have son to take care of. Life goes on.”

I owe NO ONE any explanation for what goes on.

For all of the people who feel they know better how I should be living my life, I am praying for you. I pray that none of you every have to face the things I am having to face right now. I pray you never have to know how it feels.

..end transmission..